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On July 1st, 2006 on Muskegon Beach in Muskegon, MI, Linda and I were looking for something to help fine-tune our picture taking techniques with RAW mode/manual camera settings (in preparation for sunset-picture taking sessions/firework sessions, etc). We came across an empty wedding setup (24 chairs and a flowery-overhang embedded in the sand) about 50 feet off the road. Since we were looking for "disposable" pictures that if they were messed up, we'd not be upset, this was the perfect opportunity. Plus, odds are that there would be lots of color to experiment with.
NOTE: The beach environment here on "Ocean Michigan" (Lake Michigan) in Muskegon is as follows: The sand is very sugary. If you step in it, you sink at least 1 to 1 1/2 inches into it with regular footware/bare footware. There is ALWAYS a stiff breeze on this beach, especially in mid-day. The weather was overcast, but no rainclouds in the area. Temperatures were in the low 70's, no humidity. In other words, a good day at the beach.
One woman appeared with a young kid, no one else had yet arrived. The time was 3 pm. As the minutes ticked by, more people started showing up. At that point, I started snapping pictures at the maximum optical zoom (4x). Not a problem.
Then Linda and I noticed something happening. Just having attended a wedding of a good long time friend of mine within the past month, I had been re-acquainted with the general "style" of modern wedding garb. These bridesmaids (3 or 4 of them in all) were showing up in full length dresses, in high heels, at the beach. The groomsmen were showing up in full tuxedos, pants running down literally to the ground/sand. We couldn't help but think one shared thought: "Whoever planned this didn't have a frickin idea what the beach was like!" Linda, having been born and grown up in this town, knows the beach inside and out. I have been up here many times in the past, so *I* knew about the consistency of the beach sand, etc.
The laughing (and picture taking) began in earnest. The various bridesmaids did the logical thing when they first got onto the sidewalk, before entering the sand. They took OFF their high heeled shoes! They looked at the sand, saw their shoes, thought a second, and removed their shoes! Then they lifted up their longish dresses, shoes in hand, and walked out to the wedding area. Some guests to the wedding were SMART: they wore baggy pants, flip-flops, went barefoot -- ie they were READY for a beach wedding. Other wedding guests... well... damn. They were dressed up perfectly...for an INDOOR WEDDING. It mattered not -- both men and women were ill-prepared. However, all of the young kids that were there had a darned good time, running around, etc. :)
As the time approached 3:30 pm, people started settling in, the bridesmaids/groomsmen started lining up, the minister and groom were present and accounted for. Then "bride-zilla" arrived. She was not ugly, but we could see from her look that she was NOT happy. She was arm and arm with the person that was giving her away, as the bridesmaids/groomsman walked down the aisle (by the way, did I mention that they put down a WHITE CLOTH RUNNNER to walk on... on top of the soft sand that won't support anyone ... without any solid support underneath it? Talk about NOT PLANNING!!!!!!!!!) Anyways... bride-zilla was NOT happy approaching. Her veil (yes, she was wearing a veil, in the STIFF BREEZE) was constantly flying off of her face. Her 'faux' straps on her white, long wedding dress kept falling off. She did not have a wedding train (although, I'm shocked that she didn't have that!!!). As she was being walked down the sandy aisle, it was almost like she was leaning on her "giving away" person for WALKING SUPPORT!!!! (That's what you GET for walking in SAND in HIGH HEELS, bride-zilla!!)
I kid you not. After she was at the "altar" 5-7 minutes, the UNHAPPY COUPLE started walking back. I got some GOOD PICTURES of them walking back. Blown-up inserts of her on the way back tell the story. SHE WAS #$%@#$% PISSED!!!! Her face could stop a tornado!!! Bride-zilla was NOT HAPPY! As soon as the UNHAPPY COUPLE got onto the sidewalk, he and she stopped walking arm and arm, SHE stormed out ahead, almost running away as fast as her feet could carry her!! He was walking behind her. I don't blame him! I would not want to be within 1,000 yards of bride-zilla!
The wedding party then gathered on the solid ground, chit-chatted for a long time. Methinks they were thinking a few things: 1) "I didn't plan this fiasco!" 2) "YOU tell her that she saved money by not hiring a wedding planner!" 3) "Let's get this mess cleaned up so we can forget this ever happened!" Personally, I think all 3 ideas got "discussed" :)
I am not against beach weddings. They have a place in people's plans, but only if they are planned accordingly. One: don't wear high heeled shoes to sandy beach settings when they sink down two inches! Two: Don't wear long dresses! Three: Ditch the veil, especially in windy environments! Four: Have a wedding practice ON SITE, not inside!!! One wedding practice, in high heeled shoes, would have saved everyone the embarassment of this fiasco!!!
At least it was humorous. Too bad it had to happen to hapless people who didn't know any better. This whole incident was entirely preventable! Don't let this happen to you!
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